Chums,

 

I took half a day off work the day before the election to canvass for Barack Obama. I put a name tag on and parked my car in my condo parking lot. I figured I'd go door-to-door in my neighborhood, campaign literature in my hand. I got no answer from the first door I knocked on even though I could hear the TV beyond the door. An old lady answered at the second house I visited. I asked the lady if she had voted and she told me she hadn't. I told her that Barack Obama wanted her support in his bid for the Presidency. At that point she noticed my name tag and instantly began glaring at me through squinting eyes. "Are you that Galileo hambone who has a blog on the Internet?" she asked.

For a moment I was pleasantly shocked. "That sure is me," I beamed.

Her facial expression then grew spiteful. "Listen you goofball," she barked, "if you're for Obama then I'm for McCain. In fact, I'd be for the Nazi Party candidate over any candidate you endorse. Your blog stinks. I wouldn't let your oversized lips kiss my butt if you paid me. Now get off my property!"

Slowly I backed away from the woman until I was down on the city sidewalk. I then jogged down the street, glancing over my shoulder now and then just to make sure I wasn't being pursued.

A few moments later my pulse had returned to near normal and I had regained my composure. As I strolled along I came upon a McCain supporter, a short, stalky guy with a stubble for a beard. Like me, he was canvassing for his candidate. We paused and sized each other up.

"So, you're for McCain?" I muttered, a note of hostility in my voice.

"Yeah, that's right," the guy grunted. "What's it to you?"

"Nothing. Just wondering."

"Yeah, well let me tell you something, Obama stinks," the fella huffed out of the corner of this mouth. "That's right, he stinks."

"Says you," I returned with a know-it-all smirk.

"That's right, says me," he growled, sticking out his chest defiantly.

"Well what are you gonna do about it?" I stated bravely.

The short, chubby man paused to think. "Nothing," he finally announced. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"I shook my head with my eyes glaring into his. "I'm not gonna do nothing either," I rumbled, knowing full well I was violating an Obama principle by using a double negative.

"Alright," the man grunted. "Then I'll be going on."

"Yeah? Well me too," I muttered. "If you see any Nader folks, spit in their eye for me."

"Sure. You do the same."

I nodded. "Yeah, I will."

A while later I knocked on a door and a young woman answered. Standing behind her were a couple of school-age kids. "Hello ma'm, I'm here on behalf of Barack Obama."

Right then, right at that moment one of the kids pointed at me and announced, "That's him, mother. That's the man who gave us cigarettes for Halloween."

The lady immediately clenched her fists in rage. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" she shouted. "Giving my children cigarettes!"

"I ran out of candy," I explained, my timid words pouring out rapidly. "And besides I'm trying to quit smoking. So it seemed like a win-win idea at the time."

"Listen you jerk, if you're not off my porch in five seconds I'm calling the police. Five seconds! And as for Obama, I hope he loses the election by a landslide. It would serve you right!"

So that was the afternoon I helped Barack Obama. I guess I didn't lose the election for him. Like I've said plenty of times, I think he'd make for a good President. Unfortunately the same can't be said for all of his supporters.

Your Buddy,
Galileo Smith